The goal of taking loving care of yourself is to be okay whether or not the other person is open to learning. If they are open to learning, great, you can learn together, but since you have no control over that you don’t want your being okay to depend on it. So if the person is not open to having a discussion, or really to learning because many times the wounded ego self is open to a shame and blamefest, you take care of your little boy by setting a boundary. The boundary is about what YOU will do, not about trying to control them. The boundary is about taking care of yourself and having the feeling that you are taking care of yourself have nothing to do with how they respond. Then, since you were not okay about what they did, if your little boy is not feeling okay, you can choose to do some inner work to find out why you took their actions personally. It is never about them in the end.
Posts Tagged ‘open to learning’
When to Not Have a Discussion
Posted in Random Thoughts, tagged boundaries, conflict, open to learning, relationships on November 20, 2008| 1 Comment »
Phyllis Stein's Blog 