When Is It Loving to Give Your Inner Child Away?

When Inner Bonding clients describe situations where they have made someone else responsible for their worth, their specialness, their lovability, etc., I often suggest that this is the same as if your real child came up to you and said “Mommy (or Daddy) am I lovable?” And you responded, “I don’t know. Let me ask the neighbor. “ Clearly, this would be absolutely devastating for a real child, and it is just as devastating for your inner child. A term for to this kind of inner abandonment is “giving your child away” and feeling how painful this is can be (and was for me) a watershed event in truly taking responsibility for our inner child’s needs.

Recently, however, I was doing an Inner Bonding session with a client who described just such a situation. She was at an event where a woman who had been her dance teacher was also present. There was a long history of her giving the job of making her little girl feel special to others, and this dance teacher was one of them. More than that, this dance teacher had been totally inconsistent in her responses. My client was miserably aware, during this event, that the old pattern had reappeared and completely aware of how awful this felt to her little girl. But, this time, instead of my usual approach of trying to stop the behavior of giving her little girl away, I was given a new approach.

I suggested that there was absolutely nothing “wrong” with the desire to give her little girl to someone else to make her feel special – that the problem was actually her choice of recipient. I asked her to remind me of the name of her spirit guide. “Ben,” she said. “Okay,” I replied, “how would your little girl feel if you gave her to Ben instead of to your dance teacher?” “She would LOVE it!!” She loves to be with Ben. She trusts him completely.” “Does she feel special now?” “Of course!” My client was overjoyed!

“Let’s try this in a real situation,” I suggested. “Let’s go back to that scene with your former teacher and see how it would go if you brought Ben along.” “Oh, it would be completely different,” she said. “Wow, so when I don’t know how to make my little girl feel special, I can ask Ben for help, and then the two of us can give her what she needs.” “Yes,” I replied, “anytime.”

So maybe this will give you another tool in your toolbox. If you notice the impulse to give your inner child away to someone else, to get love, to get safety, to get validation, to get anything and simply noticing that does not change anything, maybe, instead of struggling with it, you can go with it and use it as a doorway to connect to someone who can really help you, your spirit guides. I am guessing that your inner child will not mind this at all and I would love to know what happens when you try it.

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Learning to “Just Say No” to Abuse

In a recent session with a client who had suffered significant childhood abuse, we were dealing with an incident where her husband, also an Inner Bonder, had become completely overwhelmed and had angrily told her to “Shut Up.” Her little girl was very frightened by the incident and her wounded self was trying to protect her by telling her that everyone who gets angry is an abuser and that she needed to keep her guard up at all times. Not surprisingly, that was frightening her little girl even more. It started a conversation about what defines an abuser.
Here is what the definition was for me. An abuser is someone who refuses to take responsibility for his or her feelings and blames someone else (the target for them). The abuser feels completely justified in punishing his or her target for what he or she believes the target has “done” to “cause” his or her pain or shame. All of us have had the experience, I suspect, of being triggered into moments of feeling like this and at least wanting to act this way. The thing that distinguishes an abuser is that he or she never moves to any true acknowledgment of his or her own role or into caring about the effects of his or her actions on the target, although in some situations the abuse is followed by remorse, either as a manipulation or because another part of the abuser’s personality has shown up. Often though, the feelings of the target about what happened remain permanently irrelevant, because the abuser remains convinced that whatever he or she did was completely justified. Happily, my client’s husband did not fit this mold.
For some of us, childhood abuse is obvious. We were beaten or tortured or rejected or molested. But what I have become increasingly aware of is the more subtle abuse that occurs in so many families, including mine. Although I was spanked on occasion, most of what I experienced was blame and yelling and humiliation. When I look back on it, there was not one occasion when either of my parents said “I am sorry I yelled at you. I lost it. I was upset about something else.” In fact, the general attitude was “Stop crying or I will give you something the cry about.” The energy of blame was continuous. My highest priority was to try to avoid getting blamed. Not fun. The important thing though that I have realized recently is that I still believed that other people had the right to blame me, especially if they thought I had done something wrong and that my only options were to convince them that I had not intentionally done anything to hurt them (Good luck with that one!) or, more recently, just listen with compassion.
What I have realized now is that I do not have to give anyone the right to dump blame on me. I really do not have to listen to it, period. Even listening to them with compassion was actually not taking good care of my own little girl. This was a revelation which, not surprisingly, made my little girl very happy. I was in a relationship in which there was often closeness. My friend was very caring about me and my feelings, except when he got triggered which was probably every couple of months. When that happened, we had days and weeks of dark energy and horrible e-mails trying to get me to see what a terrible person I am and why that is causing his pain, a continuation of our old pattern when we were married. I was no longer reactive or defensive, but I would “allow” him to blame me, to throw that energy at me. At no point did he ever take any responsibility for his own feelings or show any remorse for his actions. I realize now that because I was so used to being blamed, I was willing, for a long time, to simply accept being abused this way as a condition of our friendship and just be in compassion for him and hope that would help. Margaret Paul talks about how we stay in relationships to learn and then one day we have learned what we need to learn and then it can be over. It never occurred to me that what I finally needed to learn is to simply not allow myself to be abused under any circumstances, but this last time that it happened, I finally got it. My little girl and I are wildly grateful for this powerful lesson. The conversation between us is over, because being abused is never worth the trade off. I have finally learned to “Just Say “No.”

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Wounded Energy: It’s Better Than Having Nothing

In Inner Bonding we talk about connecting with our essence, the beautiful part of us who is who we really are. What is referred to as inner abandonment is not connecting with our own essence. We talk a lot about how we develop a wounded self to protect against the overwhelming pain of being abandoned and how being in our wounded self creates inner abandonment. Recently, I got the clearest picture I ever have about how this works.

I knew that I was born connected with my own essence, but that this essence was not received. I deeply wanted to share loving energy, share my essence, with my parents but they were too wounded to do it. The need to share energy, I think, is one of the most fundamental ones we have. It is how we get nourished. So, like almost everyone else, I was left heartbroken and desperate. I can actually remember being a baby and realizing how it was going to be, an experience of total despair. I was never going to be seen for who I really was. If I was to survive, I had to find a way to share energy somehow.

I think this is the origin of the wounded self. We find a way to tune into our parent’s wounded energy, to create a wounded resonance, so that we are filling with SOMETHING! Something, no matter what the frequency, is better than the emptiness and despair of having no way to fill with love and light.

As we get older, this wounded energy coalesces around certain ways of being. Judgment is a good example. If our parents have a lot of judgmental energy, we will fill with that because it gives us a connection with them. If they judge us, we will begin to judge ourselves, because it fills us with something. We get together with people and have judgmental conversations about others. We read judgmental columns in the newspaper. We find ways to share that energy so that we will have something rather than nothing. I think even the specific beliefs that we consciously and unconsciously absorb from our parents are anchored in specific energies that we learned to fill with.

So, we develop certain wounded resonant frequencies and we grow up to find others who resonate with us, helping us keep on filling up with this familiar energy, no matter what the frequency, no matter how ordinary-seeming or dark.

Meanwhile, our inner child, our essence who is love, is totally left out. There is NO room to connect with him or her, because we are not tuning into the frequency that brings love and connection, we are filling with something else. This abandoned part of us is in agony, alone, heartbroken, suffering.

I have done this all my life, as have most of us. But this time, I got the image, literally of a crucifixion. That my essence, my little girl, has been suffering THAT much because I learned to use wounded energies to fill up; those of my own wounded self and the wounded energies of others. By tuning into these frequencies, by filling up with these energies, I have automatically shut out my true self, never even noticing the little girl on the cross. The realization was devastating. It was absolute. ANYTHING except connecting with my little girl and seeing her beautiful essence, no matter how benign, causes THAT much suffering.

I think this is the essence of Inner Bonding. Not so much noticing the wounded beliefs and behaviors in our heads, but finally facing the suffering that is caused by our energetic choices. We do have a choice, at each moment, to fill with wounded energy or stay connected to our essence. There are certainly layers and layers of realizing this truth, but the bottom line is that there is no “in between.” It is a sobering and exhilarating realization.

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Have I Got You Cornered Yet?

I was having a conversation with my ex-husband who asked for my perspective on a conversation he had had with a friend. He had come to him, angry and upset about something he had heard, something about unethical behavior on the part of another person. He told me that this friend had wanted him to join in judging and condemning this person, but he refused to go there. “Then,” he said, “He cornered me, trying to get me to see his point of view.” The conversation spiraled downhill into disaster. “You know,” I said, trying to be helpful, “cornered is a feeling. In reality, no one can really corner you.” That did not go over very well, so I tried another gambit and another, each time trying to get him to accept my point of view about what had happened. THIS conversation was spiraling downwards too!

Suddenly, I started to laugh. I realized that as I was trying to help him understand what had happened in the conversation with his friend, I was doing the exact same thing! I too was trying to corner him, trying to get him to accept my point of view about what he was doing, using logic, pointing things out based on what he had already said. Not only that, but I immediately realized that the whole time we were married, I was always trying to corner him in the same way. More than that, I immediately realized that this was the name of what was going on the whole time I was growing up, that my mother was totally devoted to trying to corner ME into accepting her point of view about me! Actually, I think cornering was what passed for normal conversation in my family!

I thought about all the strategies I tried to use to get my mother to stop coming at me, everything except giving up completely which is what she actually seemed to want. I would try to corner her, which never worked because she was GOOD! I tried to mollify her by partly agreeing, trying to find common ground, but that not enough. I tried logic. I tried yelling. It always felt like a losing battle.

So back up, tune in. What happened here? I realized that when I said what I did, I had felt my ex-husband shut down. And instead of tuning into what my little girl was feeling as a result, the loneliness and sadness, which I could easily have managed, I was telling myself that if only I said the right thing, the magic thing, he would open up, he would “see” the truth of what I was saying. I was literally not acknowledging the information that my little girl was giving me that he had shut down. Instead of going into an intent to learn, I went into an intent to corner. It seems ludicrous now, but somehow my wounded self was convinced that if I cornered him I could get him to open up when it was obvious that all it did, all it could possibly ever do, all it did all these year, was make him shut down even more! Amazing that I never noticed!

Several days later, I saw him in a social situation. A conversation started, one that would have sent me into cornering mode at any time in the past. This time I just noticed that he was not open, and I just accepted that and let it go.

And I realized the truth of what I had tried to tell my ex-husband, that “cornered” is a feeling that comes from inner abandonment. I know that if someone tries to corner me again, I don’t really have to engage it at all. There is nothing to be gained by doing it. That all along, when someone did try to corner me, I reacted by trying to have control over what THEY were doing, trying to get them to stop and let me out rather than tune into my own inner child. So I had bought into it, giving them the power to decide if I was in a corner or not which automatically made me feel cornered.

So notice when you are in a conversation with someone that is starting to go downhill. Are you trying to corner them? Are they trying to corner you? Either one is a wonderful clue that it is time to tune into your own inner child any say “You know what, we don’t have to do this anymore.” I can assure you that hearing this will be a great relief to him or her!

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The Amazing Power of Reframing Your Experiences

For a very long time, I was unable to connect with God’s love for me. I knew that it had to exist. I strongly believed that other people could have it, but I could not. There was a reason, but it took a long time to find it. Eventually, I realized that I had an old belief that there was a test and that I had failed it. The test was that you got hurt as a child and still kept your heart open. Then, I believed, you deserved God’s love. If you closed your heart, then clearly you were not good enough. What broke this awful spell was a reframing of the meaning of my experiences. I HAD closed my heart, but I was able to reframe it as something very difficult that I had done, something completely contrary to my true nature, out of deep OBEDIENCE to God. That is, I had agreed to do this so that I could have the experiences that I needed to have and provide what was needed at the time to other people in my life. It does not matter, really, whether this is objectively provable or not. This reframing of my old belief turned my perception of myself as being a complete failure into seeing myself as someone who not only deserved God’s love but was in fact an agent of it. The result was an immediate and enduring access to the energy of love.

Recently, my ex-husband shared something with me and gave me permission to incorporate it into a column. It is another wonderful example of the power of this reframing of an old belief to free us from our old programs. Here is what he wrote.
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I have been struggling with how to proceed with my problem of the dysfunction of the spiritual group I am involved in. As I was meditating last night, I suddenly became aware of me saying “I just do not want to hurt Jane” (the leader of the group). I suddenly realized that I have been saying “I do not want to hurt anyone” a lot, but this time I became aware of it at a deeper level. I realized, how much I have lived with that mantra, and that it started with me as a little child not wanting to hurt Mom and how everything I did (well, not everything but a lot of things) seemed to hurt her.

Then I asked myself, can I really hurt Jane or anyone for that matter? Even though I had answered that question many, many times as “No, I cannot hurt her, she alone is responsible for her feelings”, the answer seems to have come from my head rather than my being. It did not shift my old belief. This time it seemed to have gone in deeply. Most of the other times, it always went back to, “Alright, I cannot hurt her but I can trigger her and I do not want to trigger her” This time when I went there, God said “Why not? If I want you to trigger her, would you not want to do it for me and if I do not want her to be triggered, then do you think you can?” God then said, “Yes, it is a good thing to not want to trigger or hurt others, but now, that part is over and you need to live your life without the fear of hurting or triggering anyone. You are a gentle person and you will not intentionally hurt anyone and when anyone does get triggered, it is because that is what I want for them. I need you live your life free of this fear of triggering others”.

I then realized that this old belief that it was wrong to trigger others had resulted in my feeling completely betrayed every time someone else triggered me.

I got up around 6:30, had my coffee and then got on my treadmill. As I began to exercise, I realized my breathing was much deeper (still is) and I could feel the air go deep into my lungs. I realized that the low grade asthma that I have been carrying seemed to have gone away. At a recent spiritual retreat, I was deeply struck by Jane’s saying “Asthma is definitely a psychosomatic problem,” and I kept wondering at that time about that “psychosomatic” thing was that was getting me and nothing had come to me yet. Struggling with asthma had made me aware of how God’s love is like air, it is everywhere but if I cannot breathe it in, it is of no use to me. I need to let God’s love in and try to remove obstacles that keep me from breathing that love into my being”. I had shared this at the retreat.

It suddenly occurred to me that not wanting to hurt others was the obstacle that was keeping me from breathing in God’s love for me. Then my memory went back to the time when I was about a year old and I could not breathe. The village doctor thought I had pneumonia and later it was diagnosed as eosinophilia. That was the first time I remember having trouble breathing. Later when I was about six years old, we went to a hill station for a family function, I remember I had caught a chill and could not stop shivering. I realized that when I get an asthma attack, I have similar sensations. I realized that all those times, it was probably me stuffing down the feeling of not wanting to hurt Mom that brought about those sensations. I could now feel real compassion for that little kid who simply did not want to hurt his mother.

Maybe my asthma will simply come back at an appropriate time for another lesson, but the lessons I got today are quite valuable no matter what happens in the future.
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I was deeply touched by this huge healing, by the reframing of the old belief of being responsible for others feelings and expecting them to be responsible for ours into accepting that we are not and they are not, because that is not what God wants for us. Since the only thing we can choose is the meaning that we give things, perhaps you too can use reframing to let go of some of the old beliefs that result in guilt and shame. Maybe you too can try reframing your actions as playing your role, as part of working with God, as having the experiences that your soul needs to have and providing what is needed to other people in your life.

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The Sweetness of Being Received

Recently, because his significant other was out of town, I spent some time with my ex-husband. It was an experience of unbelievable sweetness, unlike any I had ever had. It left my filled and happy, but ultimately craving more and then feeling very sad because I could not have it more. The intense sadness I was feeling told me that I was getting something from him that I was not giving myself but probably could.

As I tuned into what it was, I realized that during most of the time that I was with him, I felt completely received. His heart was open to me and mine to him. He was interested in everything I shared and I was interesting in everything he shared. Nothing happened to interrupt that. It was so easy to stay in the moment. What a contrast to when we were married and each of us struggled to be received by the other!

Staying in the moment. That was key. I suddenly saw how completely devoted I am to trying to have control of being received. That rather than receiving myself or others, I have been living just a fraction of the second in the future focused on whether I am being received by others. I have confused being entertaining and capturing others’ interest with getting what I really need, and when I could not pull this off, I have not really understood why it felt so horrible. I had an image of a heart with a jagged crack so that part of it was always shifted out of line.

When my feelings come up strongly, I don’t have any trouble showing up for them. I don’t say overtly horrible things to myself. I have healed many of my false beliefs. I believe in being kind and compassionate to myself, but suddenly I had a moment of clarity where I saw how I am not staying with myself in real time. I could see that trying to have control over being received by others was the same thing as not receiving myself. That I stay slightly ahead of myself by going into my head. That having an incredibly fast mind, a blessing in so many ways, is also my greatest challenge. I saw how by staying slightly ahead of myself, I was telling my little girl that I am not really interested in what she says because it is not important enough and that trying to have control over being received was far more important. No wonder she is so sad.

I checked with God. When I imagined God as a being outside me, present and interested in everything I say and totally receiving me, I immediately got the feeling of sweetness but it felt like then I giving my little girl to God without changing my own attitudes. When I checked with the God within, I became the sweetness. But somehow, my wounded self was still operating from the belief that what I am experiencing is not interesting or important. I checked with guidance again and this is what I was told “I am totally interested in your experiences because you are an integral part of the creative process of the universe. Your experiences, your sensations are integral to the whole.”

So now I get it, at least on a deeper level. By not staying connected to myself in the real time present, I am refusing to participate in the grand scheme. I can reframe this, my feelings, my real time experiences as a sacred process of great importance. I can understand that fulfilling my purpose does not only come from what I do to bring divine love to others, how I make others feel, but that it comes from accepting, fully accepting, the importance of every moment of my human experience. As long as I remember this, I think I can learn to do it 🙂

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Information as a Gift

When I came to Inner Bonding, I knew that my life was not working at all and that I was, somehow, not doing it right. My first intensive was horribly painful because it felt like everything I tried to do in my desperate attempt to do it right, got criticized. Still, I wanted to know, more than anything, I wanted to know what it was that I was doing wrong. Subsequent intensives brought be up against the same issues, but it never as hard as that first time. As I have continued in the Inner Bonding process, I have experienced, over and over again, that any information I get about how I am not taking care of my little girl/myself, about how I am making being okay about other people, how I am trying to control, etc, etc, even if at first it was painful to hear, only resulted in my life getting better. Now I don’t feel any shame about doing something from my ego/wounded self, but if being told about it and it triggers me, then, good, I have even more to work with and, again, my life gets better. So this information is always a gift for me. Nothing anyone can say can shake my deep sense of being okay, safe and loved but it can give me something cool to work with and life gets even better. How wonderful is that! I have total compassion for myself and for the people whom I help. They are not bad or wrong but if they want me to help them, they may not have to suffer so much due to how they are treating themselves, and that feels like a grace to me.

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The Three-Step Anything Process and the Octuplets

Jennifer commented on the Inner Bonding website about using her reaction to the story about the octuplets to do a 3-step anything process and find a deep place of loving responsibility for her inner child. It inspired me to take my own advice and tune in and ask what the octuplet story triggered for me, because I did react to it and I forgot to ask.

For me the octuplet story (the mother having 8 babies while she already had 6 under 7 at home and living in a tiny house with her parents) triggered a feeling of helplessness and lack of safety. I told myself that the reason this happened was that the grown ups, the doctors who knew the right thing to do and supposedly were committed to doing it, those who were supposed to be in charge did not act responsibly. So I am telling myself that I cannot feel safe when people act irresponsibly. I am a little angry with the people who created this mess. (apparently it was IVF). (Step 1)

When I was growing up I believed, and told myself, that if everyone were rational and responsible, things would be okay. I kept trying to find the airtight logic that would create that. It gave me a feeling of control. So there is a helplessness that comes with the octuplet story. Something really stupid happened and it was out of my control. I told myself, growing up, that only if I could have control over people acting responsibly I could be safe. I do not have control therefore I feel unsafe. I was angry with the adults around me because they would not do what I thought was the right thing, but mostly I blamed myself for not being good enough to make them. (Step 2).

When I ask my little girl what I am doing now to trigger that same feeling, she tells me that my WS telling her that if only people would behave rationally she would be safe does not make her feel safe at all. The wounded part that tells her that somehow it is her fault has become a whisper, but it has not completely disappeared. This is not how I want to treat my precious child.(Step 3).

She reminds me that only when I am connected to my guidance, when my loving adult is running the show instead of my wounded ego self making it about other people and things she cannot control, does she feel safe and loved. I remind the wounded whisper that there was never anything she could have done to control others and she gets even quieter. What happened as a result of other people’s decisions was never her fault. I actually re-cast the octuplet story. Instead of its being something that makes me feel awful, I take it as a reminder of what is really important, to focus on loving and protecting my own little girl. There is nothing I can do about the octuplets (although I will never think that the whole think was a good idea) but there is something good I can get out of it.

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The Three-Step Anything Process for Healing

The three-step anger process is familiar to many who practice Inner Bonding but bears repeating here. The first step involves noticing that you are angry with someone or angry about something. For example, you went to renew the license plates for your car and you had to wait on a long line at the license bureau. Although you are free to continue to tell yourself that your anger is, in fact, caused by, say, having to wait in line, you also have the choice of using this as an opportunity to learn something important. Assuming you choose that and have moved into the intent to learn, without judgment, what this is really about, the first step is to allow yourself to completely get into your anger. This is not a time to wonder about what is “politically correct” and coming from your better self. This is a time to put the object of your anger in front of you (the motor vehicle bureau) and allow your angry self to blame, dump, hit, yell, write in a journal, whatever you want to do about what happened to you. As you do this, almost like catching a wave, you begin to realize that there is a theme to all this and as the first wave of anger subsides, you can probably put a name to what you are feeling, for example after waiting on the long line: “It’s not fair” or “You don’t care about me,” or “My needs are never important.”

Once you have a good handle on the feeling, the second step of the anger process is to tune in and ask your inner child if this is a feeling that he or she had when you were growing up. Almost always, you remember a time, a place, being a certain age. Often it can be a surprise and you might think “Oh, this is something very minor.” It never is. Go there anyway, to the memory, however it shows up and tune into how you felt at the time. Who were you mad at then? Be present, without judgment and allow your inner child to express what he or she never got to say at the time. It is almost guaranteed that you will find yourself saying pretty much what you said to the motor vehicle bureau: “It’s not fair” or “You don’t care about me,” or “My needs are never important.”

As many of you might already know, the critical part is step 3 where you ask your inner child if you are treating her or him in a way that makes her or him feel the same way. This is the step that is missing is so many therapies that stop at step 2, at what seems like the “explanation” for how you feel. You put yourself where you had put the motor vehicle bureau and you hold your child as she or he expresses what will again probably turn out to be exactly the same thing. These things that make your child angry are the actions of your wounded ego self. You realize that the cause of your present time anger actually has very little to do with the motor vehicle bureau, but everything to do with how you are treating your inner child. Your child says: “It’s not fair.” “You don’t care about me.” “My needs are not important.”

This is what you came to learn, that you are the reason for what you are feeling. As you continue the healing process, you ask for guidance about the loving action, about how you could treat your child differently so the he or she can feel safe and loved.

What I want to suggest here is that this 3-step process is not just for anger. Anything that you have a strong emotional reaction to is fodder for a 3-step process. The strong emotional reaction is a gift, a wonderful doorway to healing. Does a story make you sob? Start by telling yourself the reasons in the present that it does. Does something you heard make you feel scared? What is going on in the present that you think is making you scared? Does something make you tense? What is causing it in the present? Is there something that you need to express now to someone because of these feelings? Do it by putting them in front of you. Then, just as with the anger, find the feeling in the past and tune into what was causing the feeling then. What was going on then? What did you need to express then? Your past can even be as a baby and you could even find yourself expressing the same feeling by wailing. Whatever it is, you have the option of learning from it. And then again, finally, take this feeling to the level of your inner child and to the experience of how these really are the feelings of your inner child and that you are, in reality, creating these feelings right now by how you are treating him or her.

The 3-step process is almost a magical one. Inner Bonding, at its core, is about healing by taking responsibility for our own feelings so that we can choose peace and love over misery and suffering. The power of the 3-step process makes it real by allowing us to fully experience the direct link between what we are feeling now and what is going on inside. So, next time you feel strongly about anything, something that happens at work, something you hear on the news, something that happens in your family, remember that you can choose to turn this into a gift if you want, a gift directly from the universe to your inner child.

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The Connection Between the Energy of Love and the Sun

One thing that may make it difficult to access the energy of love is beliefs about the nature of it. Often, we believe that is conditional, but also we often believe that it is “hard” to access. So I am going to pose a series of hypothetical, silly-sounding questions about the sun. You will quickly see where I am going with this.

Do you believe that the light of the sun exists?
Do you believe that you have to do anything to cause it to exist?
If you are in a dark room and cannot see the sun, do you believe that the sun ceases to exist?
Do you believe that the sun exists for some people but not others?
Do you believe that the sun itself shines less if it is a cloudy day?

The energy of divine love, our source, behaves just like the sun. It simply EXISTS, whether you are aware of it or not, whether you believe in it or not. It is perfectly possibly to wall yourself off in a dark room and block it out – but it is still always out there, waiting for you. Indeed, since the walls and even the clouds that block this energy are of our own making, this energy, unlike the real sun, is available to us 24/7.

What if you knew this? What if you knew that this love, this divine energy, was freely and infinitely available, was just like sunlight, and that you did not need to do anything to make it exist? Would that knock down the first wall that keeps it out?

We are conceived and most of us are born taking the existence of this energy of love for granted. We carry this inside us. It is devastating for us when we find ourselves in a world of parents and others who cannot see it because they have already locked themselves into dark rooms. It is heartbreakingly painful for us to be sucked down into the darkness.

As we heal and create our inner loving adults, we again open to what we once took for granted. Gradually, we rescue our wounded little ones from the dark rooms of their false beliefs and show them that the energy of love was always there, both inside and outside of them

So perhaps you can consider this possibility when you are trying to access spirit. What if the energy of love worked just like the light of a sun that is always there without your having to do anything? You don’t earn it. You cannot lose your right to it. Could you imagine yourself out in the sun, soaking up the warm rays and then just make a slight shift and imagine that these are the rays of divine love? I would love to know how that goes for you.

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